During a critical team meeting at a fast-paced tech startup, Miguel, a zealous programmer, openly criticized his coworker Victoria’s proposal. “This plan is ridiculously flawed and unworkable. I can’t believe you wasted our time with this,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes dismissively in front of the entire team. His blunt words hung heavily in the air, instantly shattering the collaborative atmosphere of the room. The team members looked at each other in surprise and discomfort, while Victoria’s face flushed with embarrassment. Miguel’s lack of tact not only undermined Victoria’s confidence, but it also disrupted the team’s synergy, creating an environment of tension and apprehension.
The modern workplace is a melting pot of diverse individuals with different ideas, perspectives, and personalities. This diversity can be an enormous strength, driving innovation and creativity. However, it can also lead to conflict and misunderstanding, making tactfulness an essential skill in today’s professional environment.
Here are a few tips on how to be more tactful at work:
1. Practice Active Listening
Active listening is more than just hearing what someone is saying. It involves fully focusing on the speaker, demonstrating an understanding of their message, and responding thoughtfully. When you practice active listening, you show respect for the speaker’s ideas, which can go a long way in building positive relationships.
Example:
Suppose your colleague, John, is expressing his concerns about a project during a team meeting. He’s worried that the current timeline is unrealistic, considering the team’s existing workload.
Non-Active Listening Response: “Well, we just have to do our best.”
This response indicates you heard John’s concern but doesn’t show that you fully understood or acknowledged his worry.
Active Listening Response: “John, I understand you’re concerned about the project timeline considering our current workload. You’re worried that we may not meet the deadlines, correct? It sounds like you would like us to discuss this as a team and possibly re-evaluate our timeline or resources.”
This response shows active listening because you’ve paraphrased John’s concern, ensuring you’ve understood him correctly. You’re validating his concern, demonstrating that you’ve been fully engaged in what he’s been saying, and showing a reaction to his input.
2. Choose Your Words Carefully
Communication is the cornerstone of workplace diplomacy. Think before you speak and be mindful of how your words might be perceived by others. Avoid inflammatory language, jargon, or overly complex terms that could confuse or alienate your colleagues. When offering criticism, be constructive and focus on the issue, not the person.
Example:
A coworker delivers a presentation that lacks important information. Instead of criticizing them directly, you might say, “I really liked how you presented those points. I think adding a bit more information about ‘X’ might make it even more comprehensive. What do you think?”
This example demonstrates choosing words carefully in several ways. You begin your feedback with positive reinforcement, by acknowledging what your coworker did well in their presentation, thus creating a positive atmosphere and making it more likely that your suggestion will be well received. Then, instead of focusing solely on what was lacking in the presentation, you propose an enhancement (“adding a bit more information about ‘X'”) that could improve the presentation. Framing your feedback in this way focuses on the potential for growth and improvement, rather than on the negative aspects of the presentation.
Furthermore, you used inclusive language by asking your coworker, “What do you think?” at the end of your statement. This inclusive language encourages dialogue and shows respect for your coworker’s opinion. Lastly, by addressing the issue indirectly, you avoid creating a confrontational scenario that might make your coworker defensive. This indirect approach is especially tactful because it provides feedback without directly criticizing or undermining your coworker’s effort.
3. Be Empathetic
Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of others. By placing yourself in your colleagues’ shoes, you can better understand their perspective and respond in a more considerate and tactful manner. Recognize that everyone, including you, comes with unique experiences and viewpoints that influence their actions and reactions.
Example:
Imagine a colleague, named Preet, recently shared during a virtual meeting that his child is sick. You notice that he seems distracted and less engaged than usual. After the meeting, you reach out to him with a message:
“Hi Preet, I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry to hear about your child’s illness. I can only imagine how tough it must be trying to balance work and family, especially under these circumstances. If there’s anything I can do to lighten your workload or if there are any meetings you need me to cover for you, please don’t hesitate to ask. We’re a team, and we’re here for you.”
This response shows empathy by acknowledging Preet’s situation, understanding the difficulty he’s facing, and offering specific ways to provide support. You’re demonstrating that you can relate to his situation, that you care about his well-being, and that you’re willing to help, which are all key aspects of empathy. It also conveys empathy without diving deeply into the personal nature of Preet’s situation and keeps the interaction at a professional level, focusing on the workplace, not home life.
4. Maintain Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your emotions, as well as those of the people around you. It involves self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills. By harnessing your emotional intelligence, you can navigate sensitive situations with grace and tact, leading to better workplace relationships.
Example:
In a project review meeting, your colleague, Emily, becomes frustrated and vents her anger over the team’s poor communication, which has led to delays and overlapping work. Her outburst has put everyone on edge.
A tactful response could be:
“Emily, I understand that you’re frustrated, and I want to acknowledge your feelings. Poor communication can indeed lead to complications, and it seems like it’s causing unnecessary stress and inefficiencies in our work. I appreciate you bringing this to our attention, as it’s something we all need to improve. Let’s work together as a team to create a better communication plan so that we can prevent these issues in the future. We value your input and I believe your insights can help us improve this process. Would you be open to discussing this further in a follow-up meeting?”
This response addresses Emily’s emotional state by acknowledging her frustration, validating her concerns, and offering a constructive way forward. It also shows empathy and respect for her feelings, while maintaining professionalism and focusing on a resolution. It can be an effective way to diffuse an emotionally charged situation.
5. Respect Differences
Every individual in your workplace brings something unique to the table. Their experiences, beliefs, and perspectives might differ significantly from yours, and that’s okay. Being tactful means showing respect for these differences and avoiding making assumptions or passing judgment. Recognizing and appreciating diversity can also create a more inclusive and harmonious workplace.
Example:
During a team meeting, two of your colleagues, Kavita and Alex, are expressing contrasting views on a new marketing strategy. Kavita believes in sticking with the traditional approach that has worked in the past, while Alex is pushing for a more innovative, digital strategy.
A tactful response could be:
“I appreciate the perspectives both of you bring to this discussion. Kavita, your viewpoint emphasizes the reliability and proven success of our traditional methods, which is indeed valuable. Alex, your focus on innovation and digital strategies could open new avenues for us and keep us up to date with the latest trends. Both are critical for our company’s growth. Let’s see how we can incorporate elements from both strategies to create a comprehensive plan that leverages our past success while also embracing innovation. This way, we can create a balanced approach that benefits from both your insights.”
This response acknowledges both viewpoints, highlighting the value they bring. It also seeks a balanced, collaborative solution, demonstrating respect and consideration for both parties involved.
6. Use “I” Statements
Using “I” statements can be a tactful way to express your feelings without blaming or criticizing others. Instead of saying, “You’re wrong,” you could say, “I see things differently.” This approach can lead to more productive and less confrontational conversations.
Example:
Your boss proposes a plan that you don’t agree with. Instead of bluntly stating your disagreement or saying “you’re wrong,” you could say, “I appreciate your insight on this matter. I have a few alternative ideas that may complement your plan. May I share them with you?”
This response focuses on expressing your own thoughts and feelings rather than making judgments or attributions about others. By starting with “I appreciate your insight on this matter,” you acknowledge your boss’s efforts and create a positive starting point for the discussion. This helps to maintain a respectful tone and show that you value their input. When you say, “I have a few alternative ideas that may complement your plan,” you’re expressing your disagreement in a constructive and non-confrontational way. By framing your ideas as potential complements to the existing plan, you’re suggesting that your perspective could add value without outright dismissing your boss’s plan.
Finally, by asking, “May I share them with you?” you show respect for your boss’s position and time, seeking their consent before proceeding. This communicates that you see the exchange as a dialogue rather than a debate. “I” statements allow you to express your viewpoint tactfully and respectfully, making them a valuable tool in professional and personal communication. They help avoid blaming language and reduce the chance of the other person feeling attacked or defensive, promoting more open and effective communication.
7. Apologize When Necessary
Nobody is perfect; we all make mistakes. If you’ve inadvertently upset someone, apologize sincerely. Owning up to your mistakes and making a genuine effort to rectify them demonstrates humility and respect towards the feelings of others.
Example:
Let’s say that during a team meeting, you made a joke about late-night work sessions. Later you find out that your colleague, Soo-Min, who has been struggling with work-life balance, was upset by it. Here is how you could apologize sincerely:
“Soo-Min, I’ve realized that the joke I made during the meeting may have upset you, and for that, I am genuinely sorry. It was insensitive of me to make light of the late-night work sessions, especially knowing how hard we’ve all been trying to maintain a healthy work-life balance. I didn’t intend to disregard our struggles, but I see now how my words could have come across that way. Going forward, I’ll be more mindful of my comments. Please accept my apology.”
This apology acknowledges the mistake, demonstrates understanding of why it was hurtful, offers a sincere apology, and commits to not repeating the behavior in the future. These are all components of a meaningful and sincere apology.
8. Seek Win-Win Solutions
Instead of trying to ‘win’ every argument or dispute, seek solutions that benefit all parties involved. Compromise and collaboration are integral parts of a tactful approach.
Example:
Two colleagues are arguing about the direction of a project. Instead of taking sides, you might say, “I understand both points of view, and I believe each has its merits. Let’s explore the pros and cons together and see if we can find a middle ground that benefits the project.”
In conclusion, being tactful involves a blend of active listening, careful communication, empathy, emotional intelligence, and respect for others. By cultivating these skills, you can foster more positive and productive workplace relationships, creating an environment where everyone feels valued and heard. In short, according to a commonly misattributed quote to Sir Isaac Newton, “Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.”
[AI was one of the tools used in the creation of this post.]
