Tag Archives: Mentoring

Being Greatful

If you ever get the chance to hear Dr. Gary Krahn speak, take it. Not only is he a great speaker, he inspires greatness. In fact, his vision as head of La Jolla Country Day School is to “inspire greatness for a better world.”

The first time I heard Dr. Krahn speak was at an education conference this spring. I was riveted. It was no yawner of a lecture. He asked us to think about the world and what was important in it. He shared his experiences building a university in Afghanistan and his experiences with the challenges women face in attaining an education there. He talked to us about how the brain is wired to see what it wants to see and challenged us to check our biases and be more watchful of what information we are taking in.

This was a conference on K-12 education. Dr. Krahn raised it from an ordinary, acceptable experience to a great one. He tends to do that.

He talked about greatness more recently at a Town Hall Meeting at La Jolla Country Day School. In unveiling the new strategic direction of the school, he explained that greatness does not come by accident. You have to be deliberate in your choices and actions to be great.

In Dr. Krahn’s words:

Research has shown that the most successful people on the planet were not smarter than their counterparts in their field. They did, however, have four distinctions.

Environmental

  • They encountered advantages along the way in the form of access and mentors.
  • They were raised in an environment to question “what is” and challenge the norm.

Character

  • They had a stronger work ethic.
  • They were people of character.

Two things stand out to me here. First, you don’t have to be the smartest person in the room to be great. Second, it takes hard work to be great. Not only does it require a strong work ethic, but it involves being a person of character. That means doing the right thing and not being lazy and slipping up—also hard.

For many of us, greatness in the big sense is too much work and sacrifice. And that’s okay! But we can endeavor to be the best that we can be and strive for greatness in our own way. Being great doesn’t necessarily mean being one of the most successful people on the planet. It can take the form of being a great parent or boss, or being a great programmer or team player, or even a great friend.

In the coming weeks, you will hear a lot about being grateful. I challenge you to be greatful.

Two Effective Ways to Give Feedback

By Joanie Connell

feedbackGiving feedback is a critical component of leadership. To develop your followers, you need to let them know how they can improve. Feedback should be specific and timely and, most importantly, constructive. Here are two models for delivering feedback that I use. They have both proven to be very effective.

Behavior-Impact-Behavior (BIB) Model:

I find the Behavior-Impact-Behavior (BIB) model to be the most effective. However, it is pretty direct and some situations may call for a softer approach. That’s when the Sandwich model is a good choice. You can also sandwich the BIB model inside positive feedback to use a combined BIB-Sandwich approach.

Behavior-Impact-Behavior Model (BIB)
 Example:
Behavior When you don’t respond to an email message quickly,
Impact of Behavior I assume you don’t care and I lose trust in you.
New Behavior If you reply, even to say you’ll get back to me later,
Impact of New Behavior I trust that you will respond when you are able.

The BIB model is effective because it lets the person understand how their behavior is being received by others. Often, people don’t realize how their behavior is received. They may assume that people receive their actions exactly the way they intend them to or be clueless in how their nonverbal cues contradict their verbal ones. For example, when someone says “I’m listening” as they are reading emails on their phone, the other person may feel brushed off. If the person says, “I feel like I’m not important when you read emails while I am talking to you,” it alerts the person to the impact of their behavior. If you give the person an alternative behavior with a positive impact, it helps redirect them to a pleasing result. For example, you could say, “when you put down your phone and make eye contact with me, it makes me feel like you really care about what I am saying.”

Sandwich Model:

I use the Sandwich model a lot, especially when giving feedback tofeedback 2 Millennials. Younger people, in general, may be more sensitive to feedback because they don’t have years of experience to fall back on. Millennials, as a generation, are more sensitive to negative feedback because they have been brought up in an era where there is an emphasis on raising self-esteem. Thus, they are more accustomed to positive feedback than direct, honest feedback. Sandwiching is reassuring to them yet gives them the opportunity to receive constructive criticism.

Sandwich Model: Positive-Negative-Positive
Example:
Positive I appreciate how much effort you have put into this project. Your energy and commitment are impressive.
Negative I am concerned that you aren’t as focused as you need to be. I’d like to work with you to help you focus your efforts in a single direction so that your efforts will have greater impact.
Positive For example, you came up with an excellent solution to the marketing problem.   Let’s work on getting the Marketing Department on board with it.

The Sandwich model not only makes the feedback easier to take, it makes it easier to give too. If you are uncomfortable giving people negative feedback, the Sandwich model is for you. You can both start and end on a positive note. I recommend that you write out your feedback (at least in bullet points) before you give it as you start out. That way, you have a plan and you know where you need to go with it. Having a positive point to end on helps you get through the middle part.

Another way to help feedback go more smoothly is to frame it ahead of time so the recipient knows that something is coming their way. You can say “I need to talk to you about something” or “I need to give feedback 3you some feedback on the project you’re working on” or “let’s have a one-on-one to discuss your progress on the project” or something like that. These phrases tend to alert the person that something is up. You can also add “you’re doing a good job, but I need to give you some feedback (or direction) to help you move forward.” This is adding the positive to the framing to let the person know they’re not getting fired or anything. It’s just a little feedback.

Empowering Millennials

 “Responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and naming for you; it means learning to respect and use your own brains and instincts; hence, grappling with hard work.” ― Adrienne Rich

helping handStructured mentoring is the rage right now. Millennials love it! Not only do they love it, but they expect it and they need it—at least they think they need it. They’ve been programmed to think they need it from years of coaching and personal tutoring. They’ve been taught to believe they don’t have the power within themselves to get the answers. I don’t believe that’s true.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the workplace it’s that effective people take responsibility for their own development. They don’t wait around for the company to hand them a mentor and a plan. Effective people take action to get things done. They don’t wait around for someone to help them. That’s not to say that effective people don’t ask for help; they do. They seek help when they need it and find a way to keep moving forward when it’s not available. That’s because effective people have personal power.

powerHaving personal power means feeling confident in your abilities and knowing you can access the resources you need to accomplish what you want to. It means having a level of control over yourself and the world around you. It is about knowing what you can and cannot control. It is about thinking for yourself and being true to yourself. Personal power enables you to get things done.

Managers regularly complain to me that the new generation of workers needs too much “hand holding.” “They aren’t independent enough.” “They need directions and feedback at every step of the way.” How do we empower the Millennials to be able to fend for themselves? Mentoring is a good thing. I don’t knock that. But we need to ask ourselves if we are truly empowering Millennials by setting up so many structured mentoring programs for them. Could we, in fact, be disempowering them in the process? Could we be “enabling” them to remain helpless and dependent on others? By cowing to their mentoring demands, aren’t we continuing to send them the message that they can’t do it on their own?

As a consultant, one of the first things that we are taught is what the client needs is often not what the client asks for. For example, a client might call up asking for a training program for their team. Upon further examination, we might find out that it’s really the leader who needs training on how to lead the team.

Millennials ask for mentoring. They also ask to have their parents come on their job interviews. Companies are meeting these demands by providing what is asked for. But these respobird flyingnses don’t address the root of the issue: Millennials need to become more independent and self-empowered (and their parents need to back off). If we’re going to mentor young people to be effective in the workplace, that’s the message we need to send.